The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
A down and up musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?”
“I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “In that case, you’ll have to accompany me.” “Splendid!” exclaimed the musician. “What shall we sing?”
A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it.
“Hi honey,” said the woman on the other end. “Hi honey,” replied the man.
“I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. It’s beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. It’s on sale too, a real bargain. It’s down to $2,000 from $4,000. Can I get it?” the woman asked. The man thought about it for a sec and said, “You’re sure it’s a good deal?” “Oh yes,” the woman replied. “Okay then, I guess you can get it,” replied the man.
The woman continued, “Oh, and you know how we’ve been thinking about rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said he’d lower the price from $200,000 to $180,000 just for me. Can I get it?” The man thought a little harder and said, “If you’re sure it’s a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar.”
The woman continued again, “Oh, one last thing honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided we’d wait and think about? Well, it’s on the market again, so I checked the price. It’s down to $980,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get it?”
The man got a frown on his face and said, “See if you can get down to $950,000. If they’ll go down to that, go ahead and get it.” The woman was extremely excited. “Okay honey, thank you so much! I’ll see you when I get home! Bye!”
“Bye,” said the man. He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, “Does anyone know whose phone this is?”
A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.
A week later, he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?” The young man answered, “Yes, I did.” To this the tailor said, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”
A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realised that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can Take some pictures.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I’m a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.”
The young man replied, “Well, in your advertisement, you said you wanted somebody with great imagination.”
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