Sunday, August 9, 2020
Men & Women

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What I Want in a Man Jokes Times

What I Want In A Man, Original List… (at age 22)

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially Successful
  4. A Caring Listener
  5. Witty
  6. In Good Shape
  7. Dresses with Style
  8. Appreciates the Finer Things
  9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
  10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List… (at age 42)

  1. Not too ugly
  2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
  3. Works steady
  4. Doesn’t nod off while I’m emoting
  5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
  10. Shaves on weekends

0 453
Arab Love Donkey Jokes Times

One day an Israeli soldier at the checkpoint on the military highway addressed the Arab riding along on his donkey, his wife trudging along before him. “I’ve been watching you go by every morning for months,” the guard commented. “And you always ride and your wife is always on foot. Why is that?”

“Wife no have donkey,” replied the Arab with a shrug. “I see. But why does she walk in front of you? Is that a custom of your people?”

The Arab shook his head. “Land mines,” he explained.

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

Man going to ATM

  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Insert card
  3. Enter PIN number
  4. Take cash, card, and receipt
  5. Walk away

Woman going to ATM

  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
  3. Shut off engine
  4. Put keys in purse
  5. Get out of car because she is to far from machine
  6. Hunt for card in purse
  7. Insert card
  8. Locate grocery receipt in purse with PIN number
  9. Enter PIN
  10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
  11. Hit “cancel”
  12. Reenter Correct PIN number
  13. Check balance
  14. Look for envelope
  15. Go through purse for ink pen
  16. Make out deposit slip
  17. Study instructions again
  18. Endorse check
  19. Make deposit
  20. Make cash withdrawal
  21. Get back into car
  22. Check makeup in mirror
  23. Look for keys in purse
  24. Start car
  25. Check makeup again
  26. Start pulling away from ATM
  27. Stop
  28. Back up to machine
  29. Get out of car
  30. Retrieve card and receipt
  31. Get back into car
  32. Put card in wallet
  33. Put receipt in checkbook
  34. Enter deposit and withdrawal into checkbook
  35. Clear space in purse for wallet and checkbook
  36. Check makeup
  37. Put car in reverse
  38. Put car in drive
  39. Drive away from machine
  40. Drive 3 miles down the road
  41. Release the parking brake

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

Solve Medicare Coverage Problem Jokes Times

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello, Mrs. Sanders, please.’

‘Speaking.’

‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’

‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sanders.

‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.’

‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’

‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’

Baby Airplanes Jokes Times

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?”

The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. Thestewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?”

The boy said, “yes she did.”

“Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.”

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