Sunday, January 24, 2021
Work Jokes

Sawing Wood Jokes Times

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”

Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

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New User Troubles Jokes TImes

AOL: America Online, this is Debby, how may I help you this evening?
Me Yes, I’m trying to become an AOL member, but I’m having problems making my account.

AOL: Okay, what happening?
Me: It disconnects me saying Invalid Credit Card.

AOL: What kind of credit card are you using?
Me: Visa.

AOL: Are you sure your card isn’t expired?
Me: Actually, it’s a stolen credit card.

AOL: Pardon, sir?
Me: Yeah, I stole it. I just jumped some guy and pounded him until he gave me his card.

AOL: Umm, sir I’m sorry I can’t help you.
Me: Aww, c’mon, I’ll give you a cookie.

AOL: Sir I have to go.

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Cybersex Jokes Times

AOL: America Online, this is Diane speaking.
Me: Hi, I have some questions about American Online before I join.
AOL: Okay sir what’s your question?
Me: Well, some of my friends who have AOL say they get something
called “cybersex”… does this cost extra?
AOL: :::quiet laugh in the background::: Well sir…I don’t know
how to explain this, but cybersex is not part of America Online.
Me: Oh really? My friends said they got it from AOL.
AOL: Well its something members typically do when they go to a chat room.
Me: Humm…I don’t understand, what is cybersex??
AOL: I’m sorry I really don’t know how to explain it.
Me: Humm..well, have you ever had cybersex?
AOL: Sir I don’t think that’s an appropriate question to be
asking me. Is there anything else you need?
Me: Sorry, like I said I don’t even know what it is.
AOL: That’s okay sir, anything else?
Me: Yes, I have one more question.
AOL: Go ahead
Me: What are you wearing?
AOL: …

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Helpdesk - Keyboard Jokes TImes

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!

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Microsoft Technician at Shooting Range Jokes Times

It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.

At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. “Hmmm.,” he thought, “I’ll get to the bottom of this in no time.”

He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.

“Yep, it’s working,” he concluded.

The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, “The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be leaving this end just fine. The trouble must be at your end!”

Cat Competition Jokes Times

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “T-square, do your stuff.”T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

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