Home Hot Marriage Jokes

Solve Medicare Coverage Problem

Jun 5, 2021

0 60

Solve Medicare Coverage Problem Jokes Times

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello, Mrs. Sanders, please.’

‘Speaking.’

‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’

‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sanders.

‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.’

‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’

‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’

Terms of Endearment

Jun 5, 2021

0 306

Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and whispered – “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!”

Graveside Grief

Jun 5, 2021

0 409

A man had just placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and had started to walk back to his car when his attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a nearby grave.

He seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept wailing, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

Approaching the mourner he said, “Sir, I don`t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I`ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?”

“My wife’s first husband!!”

Special Letter to Washing Powder

Jun 5, 2021

0 494

Special Letter to Washing Powder Jokes Times

Dear Tide:

I’m writing to say what an excellent product you have. I’ve used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best.

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse as well. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn’t come out.

After a quick trip out, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out!! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!! I thank you once again for a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty Bag people.

Sex Maniac Mouse

Jun 5, 2021

0 373

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.

Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.

The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard.

The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

“Don’t be afraid, darling,” said the man. “Wait until I tell you about this.”

“Get out of here!” cried his wife. “And take that sex maniac with you!”

Marriage Counseling

Jun 5, 2021

0 373

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling.

They had been at each other’s throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

“What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5 – – 10 – – 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”