Thursday, April 22, 2021
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Mother Always Knows Jokes Times

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner…..love, John

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now………….Love, Mom

Ugliest Baby Jokes Times

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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Curing a Cough Jokes Times

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his staff what’s up. The staff replies, “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. So I gave him laxative and told him to take it all at once.”

The owner shouts angrily, “Laxatives won’t cure a cough.” The staff says while pointing at the man leaning against the wall, “Sure it will. Look at him, he is too afraid to cough now.”

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Passwords Jokes Times

A woman is helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and tells him that he will now need to choose and enter a password that he wants to use when logging on. The husband is in a rather amorous mood and figures he will try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention so, when the computer asks him to enter his password, he makes it plainly obvious to his wife that he is keying in “penis”…

His wife nearly falls off her chair from laughing so hard when the computer replies:

**PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH **

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Are You Merlin Jokes Times

Chap – You’re Merlin aren’t you?

Merlin – Why yes ..it’s nice to be recognised!

Chap – Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?

Merlin – Well Yes .. I’ve been told I’m skilled

Chap – Do tricks and things ..don’t ya.. Magical stuff?

Merlin – Magical … yes that’s correct

Chap – Turn Kings into Frogs ..and that sort of thing ..Is that right

Merlin – Well Yes ..I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!

Chap – Ever Mucked up ..Ya know, made a mistake?

Merlin – Well Yes …hasn’t everyone?

Chap – Can you reverse a curse?

Merlin – Yes I can … with knowledge of who applied the Curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do it ….Why ?

Chap – I’m Cursed

Merlin – Really … and how long have you been bewitched?

Chap – Years…..

Merlin – Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?

Chap – Yeah .. can’t forget them!

Merlin – What were they?

Chap – something like … Do you take this women to be your lawfully wedded wife…

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