Friday, March 29, 2024
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License Please Jokes Times

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her driving license. he says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.” The woman answered, “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replied, “I don’t care who you know, you’re getting a ticket no matter what.”

New Pilot Jokes Times

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

Frog Sound Jokes Times

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?

Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, “Will You please make a sound like a frog?”

Grandpa again says, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that.I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”

Then the third little boy comes out and says, “Grandpa, oh please…Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”

“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa Asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

Checkout Counter Jokes Times

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming. He gave her that “who are you look,” and couldn’t remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. “Look,” she said “I’m really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children,” and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can’t keep track of who fathers her children!”

Then he got a little panicky. “I don’t remember her,” he thought but, MAYBE….during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, “Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?”

“No”, she said with a horrified look on her face.

“I’m your son’s second grade teacher.”

Fingers Jokes Times

A guy was packing for a business trip and his three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,” pretending to eat them and then went back to packing.

He looked up again and his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

He said, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my boogie?

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The Perfect Worker Jokes Times

A company is asking all managers of all department to send in proposal of the staffs of their department. Jack, the manager for programmer department is not too happy with his assistant Bob. But while Jack is writing the email to the boss, Bob is standing behind him all the time. In no choice Jack wrote this email to his boss.

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bod works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible.

Soon after, while Bob is not looking, Jack send another email to his boss. “Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.”

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