Home Tags Posts tagged with "Money"

Money

Boys will be Boys

Jun 5, 2021

0 334

OK, I’m the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down…etc.

SOOOOoooooooooo I’m the only one who would be using Female Product’s…..correct?

A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. *Insert Twilight Zone theme here *

Ok….A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.

The next month (T.O.M) I go back to the cupboard…..and VOILA….there is only ONE tampon left again. What’s going on here? Gremlins??? I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it.

WELL…..I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW and BEHOLD….at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves.

I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????

I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I’m thinking,”Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?”

I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to “COME HERE!!!!”

They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet.

I said “What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!”

My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.

My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. “Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff… and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles… What do YOU use them for?”

“NEVER MIND!! GO PLAY!!!!”

Plans After Your Release

Jun 5, 2021

0 155

Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.

“So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that.

In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”

Dr. Leroy nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”

The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”

Singing Frog

Jun 5, 2021

0 682

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

Danger! Beware if Dog!

Jun 5, 2021

0 202

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because”; the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

The American Medical Association

Jun 5, 2021

0 961

The American Medical Association Jokes TImes

The American Medical Association has declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can’t remember what to do with them.

Bank Loan

Jun 5, 2021

0 241

A man walks into a bank and says he’s is going overseas for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce. The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage.

Two weeks later, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5,000 and interest of $15.41. The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you have a millionaire” Why ever did you need to borrow $5,000?” The man replies, “Where else can I park my car safely for two weeks for $15.41?”