Thursday, October 22, 2020
Tags Posts tagged with "Marriage"

Marriage

The Secret to Making a Marriage Last Jokes Times

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.

  1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
  2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N.Y.
  3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
  4. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
  7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburettor. I asked where the car was, she told me, “In the lake.”
  8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
  9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
  10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

The Night Train Jokes Times

A man and an attractive woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top.

In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”

The woman leans out and says in a sexy voice, “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s pretend we’re married”

“Hey, terrific idea!”, says the eager man.

“Good”, she replies, “GET YOUR OWN BLANKET!”

Millionaire Jokes Times

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, “A billionaire”.

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Ashes to Ashes Jokes Times

After several years of marriage, Debbie’s husband, Mike, died suddenly. According to his wishes, Debbie had his body cremated and placed the remains in a small urn.

Several weeks later, Debbie came home wearing a full-length mink coat and an eight-carat diamond ring. She went into the living room, removed the urn from the mantel and carefully tapped Mike’s ashes into a small dish on the coffee table.

“Mike, my beloved Mike,” she began, “I wish to talk to you. Mike, do you remember, for several years you promised me a mink coat? Well, here it is, Mike. Do you like it?

“And, Mike,” she continued, “do you remember, for several years you promised me a diamond ring? Yes? You remember? Here it is, Mike. Do you like it?

“Well,” Debbie exclaimed, puffing Mike’s ashes into the air, “there’s that blow job I was promising you.”

Silent Jokes Times

Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.

Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.

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Marriage Counseling Jokes Times

John and Mary visit their doctor for marriage counseling. The doctor gets up and hugs Mary, and sit down. He gets up again, and hugs Mary a second time, then a third time.

He then turns to John and says, “See that, John. Mary needs that everyday!”

John Replies, “Well, that’s fine, Doctor. But I can’t bring her over here on Tuesday and Friday as I’m playing golf on these days.”

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