Monday, October 20, 2025
Tags Posts tagged with "Beach"

Beach

Out Gathering Snails Jokes Times

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me.”

He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, than he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.

At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!” He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.

He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said: “Come on guys, we’re almost there!”

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Genie Lamp along a Beach Jokes Times

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out. The genie says, “For releasing I shall grant you one wish!”

The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want you to build a expressway to Hawaii. I’m scare of flying and tend to get seasick.” The Genie replies, “My friend, do you realize how hard it will take to do that? First of all, there will be a lot of material involved. In addition, there would need to have a lot of rest stops and petrol stations. Also, it will interfere with the shipping lands. I’m sorry, but I think it is impossible. Please choose another wish!”

The man thinks again for another minute and says, “I want to be able to understand all women.” The genie pauses for a moment and says, “So, for the expressway, do you want it in two lanes or four? And how many rest stops and petrol station do you want?”

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Penguins in the Back Seat Jokes Times

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back
seat?”

The man in the car says, “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.”

The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

“Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!”

“Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a swell time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Grizzly Bears Jokes Times Jokes Times

There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Vito and the other was Vladimir.

Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.
Vladimir: “Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?”
Vito: “Well, I’ll tell ya! But it’s a secret.. just between you and me. I don’t want my system to become too public.”
Vladimir: “OK. It’s a deal.”
Vito: “You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When women see it, they come running from miles.”
Vladimir: “That’s it? I can do that.”

The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that women… and men began to notice him. “It’s working, he thought.” But soon he began to realise that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him. He rushed over to Vito and asked “Vito, what’s the problem? Why isn’t it working?”

Vito: “Because you’re supposed to put the potato in the FRONT!!”

In The Beautiful South Pacific jokes Times

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted) Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming…

The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.

The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillments, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn’t raining….

The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

What You Did Today Jokes Times

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?”

“Yes” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

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