Friday, March 29, 2024
Tags Posts tagged with "Heaven"

Heaven

0 131
Bill in Hell Jokes Times

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God….

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature
perfect.

He was very pleased.

“This is great!” he told God. “If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!”

“Fine” said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.

“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and
tortured by demons.

“How’s everything going?” he asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, and the beautiful women playing in the water????”

“That was the DEMO,” replied God

0 149
Heaven Help Us Jokes Times

Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: “How many times have you cheated on your wife?”

The first one answers “Never!” St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven.

The second man answers “Oh, about 25-30 times.” He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way.

The third man answers “Maybe 400-500 times” and is assigned a bicycle.

A few months later, the three meet up and the Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce had a long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two query him as to “why the sad face?”.

Mr Rolls just looked at them and said, “I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!”

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