Wednesday, December 11, 2024
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Couples

Sex Freak Jokes TImes

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”

So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.” Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”

The Pakistani man replied, “Just try them on.” Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years — raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy’s pants.

All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”.

Single or Married? Jokes Times

Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening, thus proving that all we need to know, we probably learned in kindergarten.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike,10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes to long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a longtime.” (Christine,9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ are on TV.” (Anita, 6)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)

PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”(Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food,” (Brad, 8)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”:

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:

“You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…that’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name…that will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)

Soliciting Business Jokes Times

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel-casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, “George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude.”

“Harriet, she’s a prostitute.”

“I don’t believe you. That sweet young thing?”

“Let’s go up to our room and I’ll prove it.”

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for ‘Bambi’ to come to room 1217. “Now,” he said, “you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?”

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.

George asked, “How much do you charge?”

“$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services.”

Even George was taken aback. “$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25.”

Bambi laughed derisively. “You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price.”

“Well,” said George, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.”

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, “I just can’t believe it!”

George said, “Let’s forget it. We’ll go have a drink, then eat dinner.”

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, “See what you get for $25?”

Special Ocassion Jokes Times

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good old days.”

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I’m thinking about going down there again to pick her up.”

The Night Train Jokes Times

A man and an attractive woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top.

In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”

The woman leans out and says in a sexy voice, “I’ve got a better idea. Let’s pretend we’re married”

“Hey, terrific idea!”, says the eager man.

“Good”, she replies, “GET YOUR OWN BLANKET!”

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