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Bar

Unbelievable

Jun 6, 2021

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why, of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks,”Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” says the second.

Curious the first asks: “Where in Ireland?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin.”

“Of course”

The second man can’t help himself so he asks,”What school did you go too?”

“Saint Mary’s”, replies the first man. “I graduated in ’62”

“This is becoming unbelievable!!!” They say in union.

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s up?” he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much,” replied the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

Man falling off his stool in a bar

Jun 6, 2021

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Man falling off his stool in a bar Jokes Times

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.

He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.

They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk’s wife greets them at the door: “Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where’s his wheel chair?”

Oh no, not that Nun again

Jun 6, 2021

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John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. “How do you know this, Sister?”

“My Mother Superior told me so.”

“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”

“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”

“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”

“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.

“The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. “Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”

“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”

Perfect Mate

Jun 6, 2021

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At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light among company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!”

A cynical male listener overheard and spoke up, “Lady, what you really want is a television set!”

Three vampires in a Bar

Jun 6, 2021

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Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down.

The first vampire says, “I’d like a pint of blood.” The second vampire says, “I’d like a pint of blood, too.” Then the third vampire says, “I’d like a pint a plasma.”

Then the bartender says, “OK, so let me get this straight, you want two bloods and a blood light?”

Because I’m a Man

Jun 6, 2021

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Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink beer.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I’m a man, I don’t think we’re all that lost, and no, I don’t think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we’re going anyway?

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t bother to ask me

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you cried at the end of it, I didn’t.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it — looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2001, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the shopping and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest.