Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
“Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?”
“Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”
“Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on his bouquet, another man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. “I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.”
The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged, “May I please have those roses?”
“What happened?” the first man asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”
“It’s even worse than that,” the second man confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive.”
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.
Our lives depend on it!”
“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes! How did you figure that out?”
“Easy,” she replied, “you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, How did you figure that out?”
“Didn’t feel a thing!”
Two ants met in a woman’s belly button and decided to explore the rest of her body. Agreeing to meet back in the same place in a week, one ant headed north while the other went south.
Seven days later, they returned to the belly button.
“I had a great time,” reported the ant who ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”
“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to walk through this thick jungle, then I fell down this huge hole, and by the time I climbed out I was so tired that I fell asleep in this smelly cave. But that wasn’t the worst of it! Every night, this giant worm came in and threw up in my face!”
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