A couple went to Chicago for a visit, the wife was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from their hotel.
The husband obligingly hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to ‘the posh department store'” he told the driver. The cabby looked over his shoulder at them. “And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want to go to the bank?”
A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Ahmed came to the United States from Iraq, and was here only a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor. The doctor said, “Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.”
Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said, “It worked!! I feel terrific!! What was wrong with me?”
The doctor said, “You were homesick.”
A child asked his father, “How were people born?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me, Mummy said that we were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said “Who owns the big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, “I do… Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!” The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”
Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin’.”
One day Frank walks up to his wife Judy and tells her that he thinks she should have bigger breasts. She looks at him and says, “How do you propose I do that?” He looks at her and tells her to take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between her breasts. She looks at him and says, “What good will that do?” He says,” I don’t know but it sure worked on your ass!!”
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