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Talking Dog

Jun 4, 2021

0 161

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.

“This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.”

The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.

“Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded.

“This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”

“Hey!” said the neighbour. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”

“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”

Blind Boy

Jun 4, 2021

0 139

One night, a little blind boy’s mother said to him, “Anthony, if you pray really, REALLY hard tonight, when the sun rises tomorrow you will be able to see!”

Needless to say, Anthony prays up a storm!

Morning came and Anthony is still blind.

He starts crying and his mom rushes in. She gasps, “Anthony, what’s wrong?”

Anthony wails, “Mommy, I prayed so hard but I’m still blind!”

His Mom gently pats him on the head.

“I know, honey. April Fools!”

Beautiful Red Roses

Jun 4, 2021

0 196

This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her but she doesn’t care.

She is busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses…the expensive ones…from her husband.

She says to the delivery guy with disgust, “Oh SHIT!” The delivery guy says, “What’s a matter lady? You don’t like roses?” She replies, “Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means???” He says, “No, Lady, what does this mean?”

She answers, “It means for the next two weeks I’ll be laying on my back with my legs in the air.”

He replies, “Geez, Lady, don’t you have a vase???”

I Want To Be A Dentist

Jun 4, 2021

0 107

The beautiful young lady in the dentist’s chair was nervously wringing her hands.

” Oh dear,” she said, “I’m so nervous. It’s so frightening. I think I’d rather have a baby than my teeth seen to.”

“Well,” replied the dentist,” which would you like the most just let me know and I’ll adjust the chair and my clothes accordingly.”

Nuts

Jun 4, 2021

0 60

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his nutty patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled: “Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up.

After the anthem he yelled: “Down Nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled: “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied: “Well…everything was fine until some vendor walked by and yelled, `PEANUTS!’.”