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Fun With a Wrong Number

Jun 4, 2021

0 238

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said.

A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?”
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded. “I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.” Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?” My name isn’t Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”
“The girl he went out with.”
“I know that! I mean… who is she?”
“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?” Apparently she wasn’t.
“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”
*Click*

Inside Info

Jun 4, 2021

0 105

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

3 Legged Chicken

Jun 4, 2021

0 280

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 kilometre per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.

Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn’t cause an accident with the chicken.

The man sped up to 55 kilometre per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.

The man then sped up to 65 kilometre per hour only to again be equalled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.

As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.

The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front. Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.

After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens. “Well we figure,” said the farmer, “that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken.

But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own.” “That’s pretty wise,” said the man, who then asked “Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?”

“I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never been able to catch one.”

The Pharmacist

Jun 4, 2021

0 404

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The pharmacist is perplexed but doesn’t give it a second thought.

The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

The pharmacist remembers the day before and starts to wonder what’s up but not for too long because he has work to do. The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

Now the pharmacist is intrigued as to what is going on with this guy so he arranges with his assistant to follow the guy and find out where he is going, should the man return.

Wouldn’t you know it, The same guy comes back the next day, laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.

The assistant followed him as per his orders and came back 20 minutes later.The eager pharmacist asked his assistant where the man went?The assistant said: “Your house.”

How Many?

Jun 4, 2021

0 113

A teenage boy has a hot date one evening so he decides to buy some condoms.

He goes into the pharmacy and sees that there are 3, 9, and 12 packs of condoms. He talks to the pharmacists and says his date that night is really hot so he decides to go with the 12 pack.

That evening, he eats dinner with his date and her family and they ask him to say grace. He proceeds to do so and then continues to keep his head down and prays.

After a while, his date says I didn’t know you were such a religious person.

He replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”

Follow My Orders

Jun 4, 2021

0 67

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his check up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal.

For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week.”

“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.