Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Travel Jokes

Grizzly Bears Jokes Times Jokes Times

There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Vito and the other was Vladimir.

Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.
Vladimir: “Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?”
Vito: “Well, I’ll tell ya! But it’s a secret.. just between you and me. I don’t want my system to become too public.”
Vladimir: “OK. It’s a deal.”
Vito: “You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When women see it, they come running from miles.”
Vladimir: “That’s it? I can do that.”

The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that women… and men began to notice him. “It’s working, he thought.” But soon he began to realise that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him. He rushed over to Vito and asked “Vito, what’s the problem? Why isn’t it working?”

Vito: “Because you’re supposed to put the potato in the FRONT!!”

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No Novacaine Please Jokes Times

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novacaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible,and we’ll be on our way.”

The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”

The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”

Bear Hunting Jokes Times

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”

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New Stewardess Jokes Times

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the steward the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?” The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

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Wire Tap Jokes Times

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned, and asks, “What if the place is still bugged?”

The groom says, “I’ll look for a bug.” He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says, “AHA!” Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds, “How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?”

The groom says, “Why are you asking me all of these questions?”

The hotel manager says, “Well, the couple in the room UNDER you complained that the chandelier fell on them.”

Sorry, We Cannot Do That Jokes Times

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”

The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.” The student replied, “Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”

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