Monday, April 23, 2018
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Grandmas Boyfriend Jokes Times

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting. He looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I’m really happy with the TV as my boyfriend.”

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister.

The minister said, “Hello, son, is your grandma home?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, but she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

The minister fainted.

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Pearly Gates Jokes Times

Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates all die in a plane crash.

They are standing before God, seated on his throne.

God asks Al: “What do you believe?”

Al says: “I believe in the earth. I believe if we don’t protect it, the whole earth will die.”

God says: “I like that, come sit at my left. Bill Clinton, what do you believe?”

Bill Clinton says: “I believe in people. I believe the people should be empowered. I believe no one has the right to tell someone else what to do.”

God says: “I like that, come sit on my right. OK Bill Gates, what do you believe?”

Bill Gates says: “I believe you’re in my seat.”

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Curing a Cough Jokes Times

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his staff what’s up. The staff replies, “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. So I gave him laxative and told him to take it all at once.”

The owner shouts angrily, “Laxatives won’t cure a cough.” The staff says while pointing at the man leaning against the wall, “Sure it will. Look at him, he is too afraid to cough now.”

Serving at a Desert Outpost Jokes Times

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain’s quarters.

The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”

The sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”

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The Princess Frog Jokes Times

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”. The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”. The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”

“I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex…. But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

On a Lonely Island Jokes Times

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…

The pig starts to look more and more attractive – soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.

Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.

Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

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