Stupid Dog

Jun 6, 2021

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A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

“An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins.

“You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket. The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef].

The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that’s been sitting out all day. The dog growls at him.

The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb. “Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who’ll know?”

Again, the dog growls menacingly. “Alright, alright,” as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor.

The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog’s owner screams at the dog. “Hey, what are you doing? That’s a really smart dog you’ve got there,” comments the butcher. “He’s a stupid dog–that’s the third time this week he’s forgotten his key.

New Pilot

Jun 6, 2021

0 268

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

The Perfect Worker

Jun 6, 2021

0 162

A company is asking all managers of all department to send in proposal of the staffs of their department. Jack, the manager for programmer department is not too happy with his assistant Bob. But while Jack is writing the email to the boss, Bob is standing behind him all the time. In no choice Jack wrote this email to his boss.

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bod works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible.

Soon after, while Bob is not looking, Jack send another email to his boss. “Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.”

Where is my Parakeet

Jun 6, 2021

0 183

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself.

He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. “Here,” she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”

“Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”

Photographer in the Sky

Jun 6, 2021

0 234

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realised that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can Take some pictures.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

The Angry Plumber

Jun 6, 2021

0 257

A lady was expecting the plumber. He was supposed to come at ten o’clock.

Ten o’clock came and went, no plumber. Eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock, no plumber.

She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands.

While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door, the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”

He replied, “It’s the plumber.”
He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in.

When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”He said, “It’s the plumber!”

He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”

He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!!” Again he waited; again she didn’t come, again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it?”, “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!” he said.

Flying into a rage, he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.

The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway.

“A dead body!” she exclaimed, “Who is it?!” The parrot said, “It’s the plumber.”