Two person were walking down the road and one of them said “Look at that dog with one eye!”. The next one cover one of the eyes and goes, “Where? Where?”
Look at That
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Clever Dog
Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it’s leg and started to do his thing.
The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself.
One guy says to the other, “Wow, how did you teach him that?”
The second man replies, “I didn’t teach him. He’s done it ever since the wall fell on him!”
Immaculate Conception
A mother and her daughter were at a gynaecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. “She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her,” the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, “Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant.”
The mother gasped, “That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men.” She turned to the girl. “You don’t, do you, dear?”
“No, mumsy,” said the girl. “Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!”
The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, “Doctor, is there something wrong out there?”
“No, Madam,” said the doctor. “It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up.”
Two Bats Hanging
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, “Do you recall your worst day last year?”
The other responds, “Yes, the day I had diarrhea!”
The Gift
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed.
“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne ?
“No,” said the little boy… “It’s a puppy!”
I’m Not Talking to You!
One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender. ”
“Yeah, except today is the last night.”
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