The Horny Camel

Jun 5, 2021

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A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him.

Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that.

He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days.

On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again.

Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says “For Christ’s sake, what do you want now?” The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

Outhouse

Jun 5, 2021

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Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally,the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.It was you, wasn’t it son?”

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree.”

Turtle Jumps Off the Tree

Jun 5, 2021

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A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs.

Suddenly the turtle jumps off the tree onto the ground with a hard knock over his shell.

After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground again.

The little turtle insisted again and again after each knock, while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, looking the turtle with pain.

Suddenly the female bird says to the male: “Hey dear, I think it’s time to tell our little turtle he is adopted.”

Two Men Dragging Foot

Jun 5, 2021

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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.”

The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”

Happy Butt

Jun 5, 2021

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It was this little girl’s first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, “Happy Butt.” The teacher said,”Honey I don’t think that’s your name you need to go to the principal’s office and get this straightened out.” So she went to the principal’s office and he asked, “What’s your name?” And the little girl said, “Happy Butt.”

The principal called the girl’s mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After Getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, “Honey, your name’s is Gladys, not Happy Butt.”

The girl then exclaimed, “Glad Ass, Happy Butt” what’s the difference?

Found on a Beach

Jun 5, 2021

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There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out!

A few minutes later, two old ladies weere strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up from the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. Remarking to her friend she said

“There’s no justice in the world”. Her friend asked what she meant?

She replied: “When I was 20. I was curious about it,

when I was 30, I enjoyed it!

when I was 40, I asked for it.

when I was 50, I paid for it,

when I was 60, I prayed for it,

when I was 70, I forgot about it,

now I’m 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I’m to old to squat! “