Tuesday, July 1, 2025
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Cowboy and His Horse Jokes Times

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named “Clint”, and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, “You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?”

Clint says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man – can only think of one thing.” The second day, the chief says, “What your wish today?

Clint says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man – going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing.

The last day comes, and the chief says, “This your last wish, white man. What you want?” Clint says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard
and yells, “Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”

Toliet Seat Jokes Times

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat.

The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.

She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?”

“Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but never framed.”

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A Change of Vows Jokes Times

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “I do.”

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, “She made me a much better offer.”

Swearing Jokes Times

There are two brothers, aged four and six.

The six year old says “You know, it’s about time we started to swear.”

The four year old says “OK.”

The six year old says “From now on I’ll say ‘hell’ and you say ‘ass.'”

The four year old says “OK.”

So they go downstairs and their mother says “What would you boys like for breakfast?”

The six year old says “Oh what the hell, I’ll have corn flakes.”

WHACK!

The kid goes flying across the room.

The mother turns to the four year old and asks “And what would YOU like for breakfast?”

The four year old says “I don’t know, but you can bet your ass it’s not corn flakes.”

Leave Me Alone Jokes Times

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So’s the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.”

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

Confused, Marty asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone, I’m married’!”

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