A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?
“The cousin smirked and replied, “Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight.”
A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?
“The cousin smirked and replied, “Depends on how fast you carry the flashlight.”
Woman don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you’re sick of him.
Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
The woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach you’re aiming too high.
Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
Men are all the same — they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Definition of a man with manners — he gets out of the bath to pee.
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men — a woman.
There are a lot of words you can use to describe men — strong, caring, loving — they’d be wrong but you could still use them.
Men are like animals — messy, insensitive and potentially violent — but they make great pets.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”.
Husbands are like children — they’re fine if they’re someone else’s.
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.
He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend visits her the next day and asks” Are you hurt?” She replies. Of Course I’m hurt, He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!
A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the man and finally asks him to drop his pants.
Out comes this gigantic dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to the neck area.
The patient then asks, “wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d-done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i-t?” to which the doctor replies, “modern surgery can work miracles. We can replace your dick with one of normal size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation.”
The patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering disappears.
About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and complains, “doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really misses a big dick, and rather than lose her I’ve decided to get my old dick back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life.” The doctor then looks straight at the man and replies, “d-d- de-deal’s a d-d-deal.”
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”. The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”. The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”
“I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex…. But a talking frog is pretty neat.”
Question: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Two. But I have no idea how they get in there.