Welcome Aboard British Airways

Jun 5, 2021

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Welcome Aboard British Airways Jokes Times

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. “If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

“If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

“That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”

Indian Chosen Name

Jun 5, 2021

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A young Indian boy came back to the reservation for a family visit after his first year at college. When his dad asked him about his first year at school, he said: I’m having trouble with people making fun of me, especially my Indian name. How did you come to give your children such odd names”?

His father said: “When your brother was born, I looked out the teepee and I saw an eagle flying so I named him Little Eagle and when your sister was born, I looked out the teepee and saw a deer grazing, so I named her spotted fawn. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking”?

Getting Married

Jun 5, 2021

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

The Statue

Jun 5, 2021

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” the husband enquired as he entered the room.

“Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. “Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

Caught by Cuckoo Clock

Jun 5, 2021

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Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with “the boys.” I told the misses that I would be home by midnight … promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy, at around 3 A.M. drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up, and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly I realised she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the wife asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew!

Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said “Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said ‘oh fuck,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted.

A Shave and a Shine

Jun 5, 2021

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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, “Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.”

She replied, “I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.

The cowboy said, “Tell him your working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”

She said, “You tell him. He is the one shaving you.”