Politicians Accident

Jun 5, 2021

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A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Condoms

Jun 5, 2021

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One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for me and my 7-year old son. It was a bag of Gold Coins (Gold Foil-covered chocolate candy coins).

There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home, and me and my son opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the bigger dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.

The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that my son had picked up a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the Pharmacist, “What’s This?”

The woman, looking very serious, said, “That’s a condom, son.”

To which my son replied, “My daddy BOUGHT me some of these yesterday!”

With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied, “Those are NOT for children, young man.”

And finally, my son replied, “Then I’ll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!”

Too Much Attention

Jun 5, 2021

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One evening a family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you alright?” They ask. “It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”

Mother Always Knows

Jun 5, 2021

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John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner…..love, John

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now………….Love, Mom

Curing a Cough

Jun 4, 2021

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The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his staff what’s up. The staff replies, “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup. So I gave him laxative and told him to take it all at once.”

The owner shouts angrily, “Laxatives won’t cure a cough.” The staff says while pointing at the man leaning against the wall, “Sure it will. Look at him, he is too afraid to cough now.”