One day Frank walks up to his wife Judy and tells her that he thinks she should have bigger breasts. She looks at him and says, “How do you propose I do that?” He looks at her and tells her to take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between her breasts. She looks at him and says, “What good will that do?” He says,” I don’t know but it sure worked on your ass!!”
Bitter men say the cutest things.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was nearly impossible.
A man complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful
house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman … then … pow! …
it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “Awww, my wife
found out.”
Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway
light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
bald and still think they are beautiful.
After a bitter divorce, a man saw his ex-wife at a party and walk over. Sneering and he said, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The ex-wife simply sighed and replied, “Yes dear, I know, but at that time I was too in love and didn’t really notice you were.”
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques – visualization, association – it made a huge difference for me.”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you scold me?
Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!
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