Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.
Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.
Silent
Marriage Counseling
John and Mary visit their doctor for marriage counseling. The doctor gets up and hugs Mary, and sit down. He gets up again, and hugs Mary a second time, then a third time.
He then turns to John and says, “See that, John. Mary needs that everyday!”
John Replies, “Well, that’s fine, Doctor. But I can’t bring her over here on Tuesday and Friday as I’m playing golf on these days.”
I’m Not Talking to You!
One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.”
The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender. ”
“Yeah, except today is the last night.”
How to be Happy with Someone
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Fourth Marriage
“Tomorrow I’m getting married for the fourth time,” said Joe happily.
“What happened to your first three wives?” asked his friend Jeff.
“My first wife ate poison mushrooms,” replied Joe.
“How terrible!” exclaimed Jeff. “And your second wife?”
“She ate poison mushrooms.”
“And your third ate poison mushrooms, too?” asked Jeff.
“Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.” stated Joe.
“I see, an accident.” replied Jeff.
“Not exactly,” said Joe. “She wouldn’t eat her mushrooms.”
Terms of Endearment
Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and whispered – “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!”
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