Friday, December 5, 2025
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Enchanted Rattlesnake Jokes Times

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

“Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot– I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.” The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.” The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunkhouse. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted,

“My God, I was riding the mare!”

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Ass Icons Jokes Times

We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,”
where 🙂 means a smile and 🙁 is a frown.
Well, how about some “ass icons”?

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_._) a flat ass

(_^_) a bubble ass

(_*_) a sore ass

(_!__) a lop-sided ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that’s been around

(_O_) and ass that’s been around even more

(_$_) this ass will cost you

(_o_) this ass costs a lot less

(_/_) an asian ass

(_~_) a latin ass

(_*_) a French ass

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_$_) this ass will cost you

(_##_) pound my ass even harder

(_<>_) an ass ready for action

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_oo_) an ass built for two

(_o^o_) a wise ass

(_13_) an unlucky ass

(_Y_) an ass that can’t say No

(_+_) tongue in cheek

(_Q_) tongue in cheek, alternate

(_<_) this ass belongs to someone (_p_) snake in the ass (pun) (_v_) an ass with 'roids (_w_) an ass with really bad 'roids

Beautiful Parrot New Home Jokes Times

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn’t more expensive, she agreed to buy it.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff.

“The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.

She hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.

“The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that’s not so bad.

A couple hours later, the woman’s two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, “New house, new madam, new whores.

“The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation.

A couple of hours later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new whores, Hi George!”

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The Gorilla Jokes Times

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.

He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend visits her the next day and asks” Are you hurt?” She replies. Of Course I’m hurt, He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!

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The Princess Frog Jokes Times

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”. The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”. The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”

“I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex…. But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

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