A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hell is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm.
There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
“Your daughter’s only five and she can spell her name backwards? Why this is remarkable.”
The headmistress was talking to a parent who was trying to impress her with the child’s academic prowess so that she would be accepted into the school.
“Yes, we’re very proud of her,” said the mother.
“And what is your daughter’s name?”
“Anna.”
Submitted by Bavenesha Sivakumar
ATTRACTION – the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT – what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING – the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL – avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY – a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT – a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND – a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE – a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as “playing hard to get.”
INTERESTING – a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT – what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY – how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC – a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER – a condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love
A Woman’s 50 Rules for Men
For those of you who are guys, pay close attention to the following:
The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn’t fair either, and it balances everything.
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. “Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?”
“Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it to her daughter.
“But then when I have a baby,” the teenager pondered, “won’t it knock all my teeth out?”
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.
The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”
The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”
As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”
“Hmmm,” the younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did.
“I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”
“You’ve probably been doing too much extra work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”
As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?
“Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.”
