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Horse

Good Horse

Jun 6, 2021

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This hot and dusty cowboy rode in from the mesa, filthy and exhausted. He had had nothing but his horse for company for a couple of weeks and was looking forward to a couple of cold beers in the saloon.

Swinging off his horse and hitching it to the rail, the cowboy gave his horse an affectionate slap on the neck. Then he astonished an old cowhand lounging on the porch by moving around to the horse’s hindquarters, lifting up it tail, and planting a demure kiss on its asshole.

“What’d you do that for?” asked the cowhand, completely repulsed.
“Chapped lips,” said the cowboy, heading for the saloon doors.
“Wait a minute,” said the old guy. “Whaddaya mean, chapped lips?”
“Keeps ya from lickin’ ’em,” explained the cowboy.

Blind Horse

Jun 6, 2021

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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy again didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Buddy never move a muscle at all. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

New Horse Important Race

Jun 6, 2021

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The horse’s trainer meets the jockey before the race and says,
“All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.

The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens, the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, It’s no good, I’ll have to do it, and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly.

Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me, it’s this bloody horse. What is he, deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf, he is just BLIND!”