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Fire

Wonder Pig

Jun 5, 2021

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A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.

“This be no ordinary pig” said the farmer. “For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!”

“And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned – knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire.”

The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said “Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?” “Well” said the farmer “when you’ve got an pig as good as that, you don’t eat it all at once!”

Big Ass

Jun 5, 2021

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John and his wife were working in their garden one day when John looks over at his wife and says, “Your ass is getting really big. I bet your ass is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom. “Yes, I was right, your ass is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!”

The wife chose to ignore the husband. Later that night in bed John was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

Welcome Aboard British Airways

Jun 5, 2021

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Welcome Aboard British Airways Jokes Times

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. “If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

“If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

“That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”

Little Firefighter

Jun 5, 2021

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A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl was wearing a fire fighter’s helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the firefighter said with admiration.

“Thanks,” the girl replied.

The fire fighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the fire fighter said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”

The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

You Would Too

Jun 5, 2021

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Look at that speed! said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. “Hmph!” snorted the other. “You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!”