Monday, August 10, 2020
Tags Posts tagged with "Dog"

Dog

Dogs and Cats Jokes Times

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!

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Dead Rabbit Jokes Times

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbor’s daughter’s rabbit. For years I Had watch her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.

The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon Finishing its grooming, I jumped the fence and replaced it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as “natural causes”.Within the hour, the neighbour’s car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only thistime she stopped about six feet away andscreamed “DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbour that I am, I Rushed to fence and asked if there was anythingI could do.

Her father less than calmly blurted, “What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl’s dead rabbit and put it back in it’s cage?”

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Terms of Endearment Jokes Times

Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and whispered – “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!”

Baby Airplanes Jokes Times

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?”

The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. Thestewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?”

The boy said, “yes she did.”

“Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.”

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Amazing Dog Jokes Times

A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theater, goes in to watch the movie that has already started.

As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie.

It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.

After the movie, the man approaches the dogs owner, “Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I’m amazed!”

“Yes, I’m amazed also,” came the reply. “He hated the book.”

Cross-eyed Rottweiler Jokes Times

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”

“Well,” said the vet, “lets have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.

“Hmm,” says the vet, “I’m going to have to put him down” “Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.

“No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.

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