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Doctor

10 Slices of Toast

Jun 6, 2021

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Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Tommy yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know.” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father.”

Visit to the Doctor

Jun 6, 2021

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

Sex Drive

Jun 6, 2021

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“You’re in remarkable shape for a man your age,” said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.

“I know it,” said the old gentleman. “I’ve really got only one complaint – my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?”

The doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Your what?!” he gasped.

“My sex drive,” said the old man. “It’s too high, and I’d like to have you lower it if you can.”

“Lower it?!” exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. “Just what do you consider ‘high’?”

“These days it seems like it’s all in my head, Doc,” said the old man, “and I’d like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can.”

Vasectomy

Jun 6, 2021

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A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he’s surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously “Is there a problem?”

The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes “I’m afraid so… I’m sorry but your notes got mixed up and we’ve given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy”

The patient is devastated and shockingly replies “Do you mean to say I’ll never experience another erection”
The surgeon pauses for a moment then says “Well, you might, but it won’t be yours.”

Nurse Goodtime

Jun 6, 2021

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Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

“Doctor, you must help me.” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.” “I see.” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.”

“For God’s sake, NO !!!” exclaimed the Nurse. “I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterward.”

Status Update

Jun 6, 2021

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A little old lady, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, says, “Hello, darling, I’d like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse.”

“Do you know the patient’s name and room number?”

“Yes, darling! She’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”

“Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr.. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon.”

“Thank God! That’s wonderful! That’s fantastic, darling!… That’s wonderful news!”

“You must be a very close friend!”

“No, I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me shit!”