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Doctor

First Cut is the Deepest

Jun 5, 2021

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Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey, what’re you in for?”

“I’m getting my tonsils out. I’m a little worried,” said Tim.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Sammy said. “I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!”

“Oh yeah?” replied Tim. “That’s not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What’re you here for?”

“I’m getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Sammy answered.

“Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn’t walk for two years!”

Zachary Disease

Jun 5, 2021

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“Diane, I just don’t understand?! I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don’t seem interested in me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You know what”, her friend replied, “I know a Chinese doctor that can help you”. So, her friend gave her the doctor’s address and the next day she went to see him.

She tells the doctor what her problem was and he proceeded to give her instructions.
“Take off your crows”, the doctor says.

“What, what did you say?” she replied.

“take off your crows”, the doctor repeated, motioning for her to take off her clothes.

“Ok, now craw to the window”.
“What?”, she asks.

“Craw to the window” he said as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant.

So she crawled to the window.

“Now craw back to me” he says motioning her to come back.

“Ah-ha!”, he says, “I know what your problem is”.

“Well, doctor, what is it?” she says anxiously.

“You have Zachary disease”.

“Zachary disease, what’s that?” she asks.

“Well, your face looks Zachary like your butt”.

Two Little Kids in Operating Room

Jun 5, 2021

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Two Little Kids in Operating Room Jokes Times

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

“Whoa!” the second kid replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”

Weight Problem

Jun 5, 2021

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A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”
“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”

Heart Condition

Jun 5, 2021

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An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time.

She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, EVER have sex again – the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules.

Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs – she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.

“Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering. “I was about to commit suicide.” “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!”

The Question

Jun 5, 2021

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Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…”

“I know, I know.” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy.”

“No, that’s not it at all,” Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”