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Beach

Found on a Beach

Jun 7, 2021

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There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out!

A few minutes later, two old ladies weere strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up from the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. Remarking to her friend she said

“There’s no justice in the world”. Her friend asked what she meant?

She replied: “When I was 20. I was curious about it,

when I was 30, I enjoyed it!

when I was 40, I asked for it.

when I was 50, I paid for it,

when I was 60, I prayed for it,

when I was 70, I forgot about it,

now I’m 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I’m to old to squat! “

Smuggling

Jun 7, 2021

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While crossing the US-Mexico border on his bicycle, a man was stopped by the guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the sacks?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. The guard then tell the cyclist to remove them so they could check the sacks.

The cyclist did as he was told and emptied the sacks. Only sand was pour out proving the cyclist was not lying. He then reload the sacks, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

One week later, the same thing happen. Again, the guard demanded to check the two sacks, which again contained nothing but sands. This went on every week for a year, until one day, the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

Some time later, the guard happen to meet the cyclist downtown. The guard said. “Say friend, you sure had us crazy, we knew you were smuggling something across the border. I promise you I won’t say a word, but can you tell me what is it you were smuggling?” The cyclist replied. “Bicycles!”

Desert Camel

Jun 7, 2021

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A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?” The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand”. “OK” said the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?” “They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert”, “Thanks Mom” replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?” The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods.”

“That’s great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom …” “Yes son?” “Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?”

Genie in the Bottle

Jun 7, 2021

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A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out pooped a genie. The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”

The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete – how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”

The man said “OK, I will try to think of a really good wish.” Finally he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know what they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’, know how to make them truly happy.”

The genie said, “Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”

Baby Camel

Jun 6, 2021

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A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, “Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?”

The mother replied, “Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand.”

Two minutes later the young camel asked, “Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?”

They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert,” the mother said.

“Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?”

“They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time.”

“So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water.”

“Yes dear,” said the mother.

“So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?”

Barbie Doll

Jun 6, 2021

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A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He quickly drove to the mall and ran to the toy store.

At the store, the man ask the store manager. “How much is that new Barbie in the window?” The manager replied, “Which one? We have Barbie does to the gym for $19.95. Barbie goes shopping for $19.95. Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95. Barbie goes to the club for $19.95. And Divorced Barbie for $399.95.

After hearing this, the man ask the store manager, “Why is Divorced Barbie $399.95 when all the rest of the Barbie are only $19.95. The store manager replied, “Simple, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s House, Ken’s Car, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Dog, Ken’s Cat and Ken’s Furnitures.”