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The Bear and The Rabbit

Jun 3, 2021

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A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good about it.

He looks down and sees a rabbit dumping a load right next to him. The bear looks at the rabbit and says, “Hey, uhh Mr. Rabbit, uhh do you have a problem withthe shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit shakes his head no and says, “Nope, never bothers me.”

The bear says, “Good!” takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and then tosses him aside. bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good about it.

The bear says, “Good!” takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and then tosses him aside.

Walking the Dog

Jun 3, 2021

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A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”

“What’s that mean?” asked the child.

“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”

The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”

Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.”

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where ‘s Belle?”

The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”

Mongo and his Goldfish

Jun 3, 2021

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One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate.

“Whatcha doin?” he asked. Mongo replies, “My goldfish died and I’m burying him.”

“That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?” asked the neighbor.

Mongo shot back, “That’s because he’s inside your f*ckin’ cat!’

Am I a Real Polar Bear

Jun 3, 2021

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A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, “Mom am I a real polar bear?” “Of course you are.” His mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father. “Dad, am I a real polar bear?” “Yes, you are a real polar bear.”

A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?” “Yes” said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are all my relatives real polar bears?” “Yes, they are all real polar bears,” said his parents.

“Why do you ask?” replied his mother. “Because,” said the young polar bear,”I’m freezing!”

The Liar Horse

Jun 3, 2021

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A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past.

“Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over 5 million dollars. I keep my trophies in the barn.

“The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse’s owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.

“Oh, you don’t want that horse,” said the farmer. “Yes I do,” said the salesman, “and I’ll give you $10,000 for the horse.

“Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, “He’s yours.”

While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, “By the way, why wouldn’t I want your horse?” “Because,” said the farmer, “he’s a liar – he hasn’t won a race in his life.”

Male or Female

Jun 3, 2021

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A scientist had previously been a sailor. He was very aware that ships are addresses as “she” and “her”. He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two group of computer experts.

The first group was composed of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computer should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are
the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.