Flying to Europe

Jun 4, 2021

0 271

Maudie is flying on a jumbo-jet to Europe. Once in the air the loudspeaker comes on “This is your captain Emilia Rodrigues. We are cruising at 35,000 feet…etc. etc.” When the announcement is finished Maudie beckons to a stewardess and asks, “Is it really true that this great big airplane is being flown by a woman?”

“Yes, says the stewardess, Captain Rodrigues is a woman.”

“How wonderful!” Maudie replied “I am so excited! Do you think you can arrange for me to go up to the cockpit to congratulate her?”

“Yes, I think I can arrange that. You might also like to know that the co-pilot is also a woman.”

“Oh, how exciting. This is wonderful news! Please let me go to the cockpit so I can congratulate them both!”

“OK, you can do that. You might like to know that actually the entire crew of this plane are women.”

“That is the most exciting thing I have heard in a long time …this has really made my day … I just have to go to the cockpit to express my admiration!”

“One more thing you might like to know …we don’t call it the cockpit any more.”

Millionaire

Jun 3, 2021

0 161

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”

“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.

The woman replied, “A billionaire”.

Thirsty Snake

Jun 3, 2021

0 161

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realised he had forgotten to bring any bait.

Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…

Remember The Days

Jun 3, 2021

0 142

A computer was something on TV
from a science fiction show of note

A window was something you hated to clean…

Ram was the cousin of a goat…

Meg was the name of my girlfriend

Gig was a job for the nights

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age

A cd was a bank account

Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file

If you unzipped anything in public, you’ be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire

Hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

Cut you did with a pocket knife

Paste you did with glue

A web was a spider’s home

A virus was the flu

I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash, but when it happens they wish they were dead

New Pilot

Jun 3, 2021

0 155

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

What’s in the Bag?

Jun 3, 2021

0 236

One day Adam and Eve looked up and saw God standing there holding a bag.

“Hi, God. What’s in the bag?” asked Eve.

“These are a couple of things that I have left over from creation.”God rummages around in the bag a moment. “Who wants to be able to pee standing up?”

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. “Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help SO MUCH when I’m out hunting! Oh, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have it!”

“Well, OK, here. Now, let’s see what else we have.” God rummages about a bit more in the bag. “Ah, right. Multiple orgasms.”