The Gorilla

Jun 7, 2021

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.

He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend visits her the next day and asks” Are you hurt?” She replies. Of Course I’m hurt, He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!

The Princess Frog

Jun 7, 2021

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A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”. The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”. The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”

“I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex…. But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

I have No Idea

Jun 7, 2021

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Question: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Two. But I have no idea how they get in there.

Daddy’s Password

Jun 7, 2021

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While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, “I know Daddy’s password! I know Daddy’s password!”

“What is it? her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, “Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!”

Your Cheating Heart

Jun 7, 2021

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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

“Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh” she replies, “that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

New Baby

Jun 7, 2021

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For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”