Thursday, September 20, 2018
Sports Jokes

You Never Learn Nothin Jokes Times

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious about things in general and started asking all sorts of questions. He asked his father, “Why does the boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.”

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?” Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?” Again, the father repied. “Don’t rightly know son.”

Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?” The father replied, “Of course not, if you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

Child Custody Jokes Times

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn’t decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, “Would you like to live with your mother?”

“No.” said the boy.

“Why not?” said the judge.

“Because she beats me.”

The judge says “Okay, then you’ll go live with your father.”

“Oh No,” cried the boy, “He beats me too.”

Dumbfounded, the judge asks “Okay who do you want to live with?”

“I want to live with the Florida Marlins.”

“Why?” asks the judge.

“They never beat anybody.”

Babysitter Jokes Times

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.

“I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!”

“Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said.

The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait.”

Volleyball Court Jokes Times

Earlier this week, a Microsoft security guard caught two non-Microsoft employees playing volleyball on our campus volleyball court and asked them to leave the premises.

When asked by a fellow employee how he knew that the two were not Microsoft employees, the guard replied: “They had tans.”

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Where is Harry Jokes Times

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck.

“Where’s Harry?”, asked another hunter.

“He fainted a couple miles up the trail,” Harry’s partner answered. “You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“It was a tough decision,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Harry.”

Stop Screwing Jokes Times

A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed.

The husband, oblivious to the pheremones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there. “This is wonderful! Now we’ll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts.” The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper. The new man yells down: “Hey, no screwing!”

They look at each other and yell back: “We’re not screwing!” A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the new man yells down: “Heeey, no screwing!” Again they yell back, “We’re not screwing!” Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above: “Hey, I said no screwing!!” They yell back, “And we said we’re not screwing!!”

Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself: “Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they’re screwing.”

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