Wednesday, December 12, 2018
On The Road

Indian Horse Ride Jokes Times

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, “Yahoo!” and rode off. “What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant.

“Nothing,” shrugged the woman, ” I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback……..”

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Crossing the Road Jokes Times

Michael and Ed are about to cross the lights while the traffic lights buzzes when it is safe to cross. Ed asked Michael if he knew what the buzzer was for. Michael explained that it signal to blind people when the light is red. Ed responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving around!”

Cab Drivers Jokes Times

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

“Mommy,” said the little boy, “what are all those ladies doing?”

“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off of work,” she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers. They have sex with men for money.”

The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true, mommy?” His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?”

“They mostly become cab drivers,” she replied.

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

Man going to ATM

  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Insert card
  3. Enter PIN number
  4. Take cash, card, and receipt
  5. Walk away

Woman going to ATM

  1. Pull up to ATM
  2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
  3. Shut off engine
  4. Put keys in purse
  5. Get out of car because she is to far from machine
  6. Hunt for card in purse
  7. Insert card
  8. Locate grocery receipt in purse with PIN number
  9. Enter PIN
  10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
  11. Hit “cancel”
  12. Reenter Correct PIN number
  13. Check balance
  14. Look for envelope
  15. Go through purse for ink pen
  16. Make out deposit slip
  17. Study instructions again
  18. Endorse check
  19. Make deposit
  20. Make cash withdrawal
  21. Get back into car
  22. Check makeup in mirror
  23. Look for keys in purse
  24. Start car
  25. Check makeup again
  26. Start pulling away from ATM
  27. Stop
  28. Back up to machine
  29. Get out of car
  30. Retrieve card and receipt
  31. Get back into car
  32. Put card in wallet
  33. Put receipt in checkbook
  34. Enter deposit and withdrawal into checkbook
  35. Clear space in purse for wallet and checkbook
  36. Check makeup
  37. Put car in reverse
  38. Put car in drive
  39. Drive away from machine
  40. Drive 3 miles down the road
  41. Release the parking brake

The Different Between a Man and a Woman at a Drive-thru ATM Jokes Times

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Computer Nerds Jokes Times

A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, “COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He enters and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, “OK, truck drivers aren’t nerds.”

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender replied, “Don’t worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license.”

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers – computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” says the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ’em!”

The Horseless Cowboy Jokes Times

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

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