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The Liar Horse

Jun 3, 2021

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A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past.

“Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over 5 million dollars. I keep my trophies in the barn.

“The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the horse’s owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.

“Oh, you don’t want that horse,” said the farmer. “Yes I do,” said the salesman, “and I’ll give you $10,000 for the horse.

“Recognising a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, “He’s yours.”

While he wrote out his cheque, the salesman asked, “By the way, why wouldn’t I want your horse?” “Because,” said the farmer, “he’s a liar – he hasn’t won a race in his life.”

Bill in Hell

Jun 3, 2021

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Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God….

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

“Okay then,” said Bill, “let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature
perfect.

He was very pleased.

“This is great!” he told God. “If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!”

“Fine” said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told God.

“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and
tortured by demons.

“How’s everything going?” he asked Bill.

Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, and the beautiful women playing in the water????”

“That was the DEMO,” replied God

Always By My Side

Jun 3, 2021

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A man was walking across the road when he met the accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he finally regained consciousness.

When he opens his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hands and said meaningfully : “You have always been beside me. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were always there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..”

She squeezed his hands as he continued :”When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply…” He continued “Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me.”

Then I finally got another job after being laid off for sometime. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I join the company till now… And you were there beside me”

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband :”And now I met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me….

….There’s something I’ll really like to say to you…” She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, and sobbing with emotion.

He said…, ” I think you really bring me bad luck..”