A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. However, the distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid.
The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven … for five days!”
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”
AOL Prank Calls:
Actual recorded Prank calls to AOL
New User Troubles.
——————-
AOL: America Online, this is Debby, how may I help you this evening?
Me Yes, I’m trying to become an AOL member, but I’m having problems making my account.
AOL: Okay, what happening?
Me: It disconnects me saying Invalid Credit Card.
AOL: What kind of credit card are you using?
Me: Visa.
AOL: Are you sure your card isn’t expired?
Me: Actually, it’s a stolen credit card.
AOL: Pardon, sir?
Me: Yeah, I stole it. I just jumped some guy and pounded him until he gave me his card.
AOL: Umm, sir I’m sorry I can’t help you.
Me: Aww, c’mon, I’ll give you a cookie.
AOL: Sir I have to go.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: “What are you doing here today?”
Woman: “Oh, I`m here to donate some blood. They`re going to give me $5 for it.”
Man: “Hmm, that`s interesting. I`m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”
Prev
