Weird Baby

Jun 5, 2021

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A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, “Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?”

“Well, yes, but only once.”

“Once is all it takes” he replied.

Then the torso came out and it was yellow.

“Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?”

“Well, yes” she said, “but only once.”

“Once is all it takes,” he said.

When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.

“Well, yes” she said, “but only once.”

“Once is all it takes,” he said.

He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed “Oh, thank God, at least it doesn’t bark!”

How Many Times

Jun 5, 2021

1 275

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”

The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

The Unethical Doctor

Jun 5, 2021

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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”

“That is right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.

“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.”

“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”

“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.”

Expensive Date

Jun 5, 2021

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A horny college kid borrowed his roommate’s car, scraped together every penny he could find, picked up his date at her parent’s house, and took her to a nice restaurant for dinner. But he got more and more upset when she proceeded to order everything pricey on the menu: fancy mixed drinks, lobster, champagne, the works.

Finally, he couldn’t stay silent any more, and blurted, “Does your mother feed you like this at home?”

“Nope,” she replied with a demure smile, “but my mom’s not trying to get laid either.”

Miracle Pills

Jun 5, 2021

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Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra.

The other wasn’t familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for. The first man said, “It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever known. The Fountain of Youth!! Makes you feel like a man of 30.”

The second then asked, “Can you get it over the counter?”

“You probably could, if you took 2 pills”, said the first man.