This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it’s right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.
“Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,” replies the shop keeper.
“And what happens if I pull both the strings?” our curious shopper inquires.
“I fall off my perch you fool!!” screeches the parrot.
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!
Two ants met in a woman’s belly button and decided to explore the rest of her body. Agreeing to meet back in the same place in a week, one ant headed north while the other went south.
Seven days later, they returned to the belly button.
“I had a great time,” reported the ant who ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”
“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to walk through this thick jungle, then I fell down this huge hole, and by the time I climbed out I was so tired that I fell asleep in this smelly cave. But that wasn’t the worst of it! Every night, this giant worm came in and threw up in my face!”
A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash.
The doctor asked the man: “What are you doing, walking the dog?”
The man replied: “Oh no, I’m just dragging my toothbrush on a leash.”
The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions…
And the man said to his toothbrush: “Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!”
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter….
First Woman : “My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Second Woman : “I know…”
First Woman : “How?”
Second Woman : “My dog told me.”
A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, “Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?”
The mother replied, “Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand.”
Two minutes later the young camel asked, “Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?”
They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert,” the mother said.
“Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?”
“They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time.”
“So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water.”
“Yes dear,” said the mother.
“So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?”
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