Thursday, June 19, 2025
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Goose and the Gander Philosophy Jokes Times

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

The husband says “WHAT??”

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them.

Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellery Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out – but she does not argue. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says “but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.”

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says “I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register.” The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.”

The wife’s face goes blank.

“No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.” The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the Husband says, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”

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Dictionary of Dating Jokes Times

ATTRACTION – the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT – what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING – the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL – avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY – a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT – a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND – a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE – a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as “playing hard to get.”

INTERESTING – a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT – what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY – how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC – a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER – a condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love

Sex Change Operation Jokes Times

This poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

“Damn!” he moaned, “this means I’ll never be able to experience an erection ever again!”

“Of course you will,” one of the doctors soothed. It’ll just have to be someone else’s, that’s all.”

In The Beautiful South Pacific jokes Times

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted) Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman

The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois

The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming…

The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.

The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillments, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn’t raining….

The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

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