Did God Make You?

Jun 5, 2021

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”

“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.

“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.

“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.

“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”

National Weather Service

Jun 5, 2021

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In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to a phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter to be cold?”

The man on the phone responded, “This winter is indeed going to be very cold.”

So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, “Is it going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”

What Mommy Calls Me

Jun 5, 2021

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screamed to her brother, “Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

Playing Doctor and Patient

Jun 5, 2021

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Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

“Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?”

“Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”

“Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!”

Crying Food

Jun 5, 2021

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My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Do What He Says

Jun 5, 2021

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An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it.

Our lives depend on it!”

“Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!”