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Are You Merlin?

Jun 6, 2021

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Chap – You’re Merlin aren’t you?

Merlin – Why yes ..it’s nice to be recognised!

Chap – Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?

Merlin – Well Yes .. I’ve been told I’m skilled

Chap – Do tricks and things ..don’t ya.. Magical stuff?

Merlin – Magical … yes that’s correct

Chap – Turn Kings into Frogs ..and that sort of thing ..Is that right

Merlin – Well Yes ..I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!

Chap – Ever Mucked up ..Ya know, made a mistake?

Merlin – Well Yes …hasn’t everyone?

Chap – Can you reverse a curse?

Merlin – Yes I can … with knowledge of who applied the Curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do it ….Why ?

Chap – I’m Cursed

Merlin – Really … and how long have you been bewitched?

Chap – Years…..

Merlin – Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?

Chap – Yeah .. can’t forget them!

Merlin – What were they?

Chap – something like … Do you take this women to be your lawfully wedded wife…

Two Guys in a Bar

Jun 6, 2021

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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.

It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.”

“No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

Six or Twelve

Jun 6, 2021

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The assistant asked the lady if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

I’ve Got One of These

Jun 6, 2021

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A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, “*I* have one of these and you *don’t*.” The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day the boy and the girl are playing together again. Once Again the boy points to his private parts and says, “*I* have one of these and you *don’t*.” But the little girl just keeps on playing.

“How come you’re not crying today,” asks the boy.

“My mother told me,” says the little girl, pulling up her dress, “that with one of *these*, I can get as many of *those* as I want.”

Airport Boarding Gate

Jun 6, 2021

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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.

“So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.

In Tune

Jun 6, 2021

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Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

The husband says, “WHAT??”

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond ear rings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out — but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says “but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let’s get it.”

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says “I am ready to go, let’s go to the cash register.”

The husband says, “No, no, no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff.” The wife’s face goes blank. “No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.” Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says, “You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!