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Food

Japanese Pizza

Jun 5, 2021

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, ‘What the heck did you put on this pizza?’ The delivery man bows and says, ‘We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.’

Drinking at Work

Jun 5, 2021

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The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

Loving Couples

Jun 5, 2021

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One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.

Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, “could you pass the honey honey?” to whom his wife, hands over the honey.

Then, the husband from Kansas says ” Could you pass the sugar sugar?” and she passes him the sugar.

The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says “Wanna pass me the bacon, pig?”

Six or Twelve

Jun 4, 2021

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The assistant asked the lady if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

If AOL were a City

Jun 4, 2021

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If AOL were a City

– You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name, and all were h0t 17/f cheerleaders with a fetish for pierced gay Dobermans in spandex.

– You’d only pay $19.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.

– Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99

– The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.

– 48 hours after moving in, your mailbox would be overflowing with special offers, promotions and offers from www.girlies.com

– The local post office would tell your mother you’re not a known resident.

– The local post office wouldn’t forward your mail to you when you moved.

– The administration would kick you out of town for cursing after one of those brutal toe stubs.

– If you saw a crime and called 911, they’d reply a week later with a form letter saying how “really important you are to us.”

– The administration would tell your boss to either pay up, or move his slack-ass company somewhere else.

– Everyone on the street would have something to do with kiddy porn, and this business would account for 75% of all city revenue.

– Every time you went to the mall, people would run up to you and violently scream, “M/F??!!,” AGE/SEX?!?!, “WHAT ARE YOUR STATS,” or “WANNA GET LUCKY?”

– Those who didn’t do that would call you and say ” Hi, I’m j0e hax0r from the town council. We had a database crash and lost your tax records. Please give us your address and the key to your house or we will be forced to evict you and your family.”

– Every time you went shopping, you’d be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming “WE’RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.”

– Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh behind your back.

– Even your 3 year old son would know the intimate personal details of the town security expert.

– You’d occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation, but that it’s really the Earth’s fault.

– Half the kids in the daycare you use are thinly disguised fat, hairy, drooling, diapered men holding sacks of candy.

– Your daughter would disappear to the No-Tell Motel every night, and you’d foot the bill.

– You’d send your kids to school for history, math and science, but they’d wind up studying ph1shing, one-handed typing, and annoying acronyms.

– You’d not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone’s mailbox with crap, and vacate before sunup.

– The administration would secretly sell off chunks of the city’s land, while buying up neighboring cities with imaginary funds.

– The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and advertise that children can play there free, then suddenly demand money while ripping down the swings and accosting the children playing there.

– Don’t forget the AOL playground, which is locked so that the kiddies cannot get out “for safety reasons,” and then hordes of perverts & pedophiles are allowed in.

– The police would work for free out of some sort of “duty” to the city, but would secretly only be doing it for the free food stamps.

– Upon waking every morning, a voice from above would shout “HEY!! YOU DO WANT AN AOL VISA, DON’T YOU?” To which you say “no.” The voice then replies “OK, I’LL ASK YOU TOMORROW.”

– A trip to the local library would find you a few ancient doom, 2 patches, commercial pics of Pamela Anderson Lee, and a viral copy of PkZip 2.04g.

– Your neighbors would be called to leave on pilgrimages to a mystical land called USENET, where they would bleat the virtues of your fair city.

– Somewhere in another city, David Cassel would be sitting with a telescope trained on City Hall, smiling contentedly.