Thursday, May 16, 2024
Tags Posts tagged with "Dog"

Dog

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Bilingual Job Jokes Times

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual”. The dog looked at the manager calmly and said “Meow”.

Seeing Eye Dog Jokes Times

A blind woman was out walking with her seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the woman’s leg.

Bending down, the blind woman stretched out her hand and patted the dog’s head.

Having watched what happened, a passer by said, “Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!”

“I know,” said the blind woman, “but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.”

Talking Dog Jokes Times

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.

“This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.”

The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.

“Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded.

“This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”

“Hey!” said the neighbour. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”

“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”

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New Breed of Dogs Jokes Times

There is this per shop that cross breed different breeds of dogs to get more sales. And they crossed a pit bull with a collie.

That dog bites off humans’ leg and goes for help.

Nuts Jokes Times

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his nutty patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled: “Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up.

After the anthem he yelled: “Down Nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled: “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied: “Well…everything was fine until some vendor walked by and yelled, `PEANUTS!’.”

Petting the Dog Jokes Times

While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.

A passer-by commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?

“To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”

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