Sunday, October 17, 2021
Tags Posts tagged with "Airport"

Airport

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Airport Encounters Jokes Times

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?”

“Sure.”

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

“Hi, Ray,” he said.

I replied, “Get lost Gates, I’m in a meeting.”

Sorry, We Cannot Do That Jokes Times

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”

The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.” The student replied, “Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”

Merry Kiss Me Jokes Times

It was a few days before Christmas. Benny’s trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage, he saw hanging mistletoe.

Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, “Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe.”

“Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is.” “Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss.” “That’s not why it’s there.”

“Ok, I give up. Why is it there?”

“It’s there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”

Airport Boarding Gate Jokes Times

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.

“So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.

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Parcel for her Son Jokes Times

A woman was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the customs agent asked her some standard security questions.

“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?” he asked. The woman told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. The customs agent looked at the woman in a very carefully and asked, “Does she like you?”

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50 Rules for Men Jokes Times

A Woman’s 50 Rules for Men

For those of you who are guys, pay close attention to the following:

  1. Call.
  2. Don’t lie.
  3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
  4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
  5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No petting.
  6. The correct answer to, “Do I look fat?”, is never, ever, “Yes.”
  7. Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”
  8. Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
  9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
  10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
  11. “Honey”, “Darling”, and “Sweetheart” are good. “Nag”, “Lardass”, and “Bitch” are bad.
  12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
  13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
  14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
  15. Her cooking is excellent.
  16. That isn’t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
  17. Dish soap is your friend.
  18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
  19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
  20. Answering “Who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never going to end that conversation.
  21. Ditto for “Whose lipstick is this?”
  22. Two words: clean socks.
  23. Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when you’re drunk.
  24. Burping is not sexy.
  25. You’re wrong.
  26. You’re sorry.
  27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
  28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
  29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
  30. “Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together” is bad.
  31. Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
  32. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
  33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
  34. “But, we kiss…” is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don’t clean plaque with your tongue.
  35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 p.m.
  36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
  37. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whine about it, just do it.
  38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
  39. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
  40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
  41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
  42. Think boxers.
  43. Silk boxers.
  44. Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so names.
  45. Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
  46. Her haircut is never bad.
  47. Don’t let your friends pick on her.
  48. Call.
  49. Don’t lie.
  50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.

The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn’t fair either, and it balances everything.

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